Just when I thought I couldn’t handle any more, I felt a violent tug on my body. I was screaming down that dang tunnel again, shrieking “I want to go back to my real life, I want to make better choices” landed on deaf ears I was alone in this journey. On and on I hurdled this time was longer. I came to a rough halt in a shadowy graveyard, the street lights giving enough illumination to see inscriptions on the headstones. My fear was causing me to hyperventilate, gasping and sobbing I frantically looked around, I was alone. I was in front of a new gravestone. Here lays Tanner Spender. Loving husband of Beverly Spender, son of Tim and Jane Spender. Wanting to run but there was nowhere to go. Standing up I couldn’t quit gasping for air. Running to the edge of the graveyard, the streetlights soft glow gave an eerie feeling as I ran up the street at top speed frantically looking for anyone… anyone who could give me a clue as to how I died. Now it all made sense that is why Bev was married to someone else. Somehow my lifestyle had killed me. Thinking back of the months I had languished on the couch drinking and barely eating feeling like a pitiful fool wasting my life away.
I wasn’t sure if I would ever be taken back to my house, back to real life where I could make things right, get my life on track. Was I dead already? Running and running for about a mile I finally saw a gas station with an open sign blinking. I tried opening the door and realized because I was in another dimension I couldn’t. I had to wait, soon a car pulled up and my old neighbor got out, Mr. Lenny always lived across the street from where I grew up. I slipped inside the store as he opened the door and the guy behind the counter gave a greeting. They stood chatting as Mr. Lenny paid for his goods. “Isn’t it sad how Tim and Jane’s son died last week they say he was found in a pool of vomit; he drowned in it. I wonder why he chose to live life that way he had such a beautiful wife. Something must have snapped in him” Mr. Lenny shook his head gathered his things and left the store. Letting his words sink in I knew I wanted a second chance, A clean slate to start fresh. I was in utter disbelief. How could I hate myself so much? I felt grateful for the circle in my basement what it had shown me. I cried out to the God who could save me from my horrible choices.
I felt a jerk on my body as I was once again hurdled through the now familiar tunnel. Spinning at warp speed I wasn’t at all looking forward to where it would drop me next. Bracing myself for a hard landing I was surprised to land on something soft. Flailing about and crying for mercy, I opened my eyes. I was back in my house! I could hear the birds chirping outside, dawn was just breaking over the horizon. Laying motionless for a moment knowing my horrible experience had been real and not a dream. Jumping from bed I vowed to change, to stop feeling sorry for myself and forgive those who had hurt me, who had mocked me in high school. I would no longer be trapped by their mean voices in my head. I was responsible for me. Grateful for this second chance I got to work. Cleaning up the empty beer cans, tossing half eaten pizza in the trash, I opened the fridge, pulled out the six pack and proceeded to dump it down the drain. Bev would be home tonight, I felt excitement course through my body as I got the house clean, I went to the store and got some flowers, a candle and some groceries. I would show her the man she fell in love with. I could make better choices because I was shown what could have happened.
The moral of the story is, we can feel sorry for ourselves for everything bad that happened to us, but we are still responsible for our own life. Making horrible choices to punish the people that hurt you, will only hurt you alone. Prove to yourself you can do hard things and be successful in life. You are capable of doing hard things!